A Shock to the System
by SlashHappy
Summary: Albus Dumbledore-caring, 'light' wizard, head master of Hogwarts school and Witch craft and Wizardry. Trying to protect Harry. Voldemort-possesive,'dark' wizard (also known as 'You-know-who- bane of the magic community). Trying to kill Harry. Now just wha
1. Pink and Green?

Disclaimer: Harry Potter and all the others aren't ours *sniffle* they belong to the wonderful J.K.Rowling. Meaning: We no own. So you no sue. ^.^ got that?  
  
A Shock to the System  
  
Chapter 1 - Pink and Green?  
  
A/N This is our first joint fic!! (so be nice) Please R&R!!!  
  
It was a bright and cheery morning at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry when.  
  
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
Ron Weasley ran through the corridors leading away from Professor Snape's classroom, an expression of unspeakable horror on his face.  
  
"Harry! Hermione!" He cried when he found his friends. The two said friends turned, confusion clear on their faces.  
  
"Ron, are you.. ok?" Hermione asked tentively.  
  
"Yeah mate, you look like you just.. oh.. I dunno, saw Snape in his underwear or something.." Harry added.  
  
Ron went pale and swallowed nosily.  
  
"You saw WHAT??" Harry burst out, his laughter echoing in the corridor. Hermione gave Harry a nudge.  
  
"Shut up, Harry. People are starting to stare!"  
  
Ron started to sway, looking like he was going to faint.  
  
"I saw... I... saw..." He began shakily.  
  
CRASH!  
  
" He fainted." Hermione stated looking at the rumpled form of her friend lying lifelessly in the middle of the corrider.  
  
"You don't say." Harry raised an eyebrow. " We'd better move him." He added as a first year tripped and bounced down the stairs as she tried to scramble over Ron's still form.  
  
All of a sudden, (like something out of a nightmare), Snape came rushing towards them cloak sweeping behind him like giant bat wings.  
  
"Ah, Mr. Potter, Miss Granger, where may I ask is the third member of the famous trio?" He asked.  
  
Harry looked down, and upon noticing that Snape's pants were undone, shuddered and looked up at Snape's enormous nose instead.  
  
Hermione cleared her throat. " You're, ah, standing on him." And after brief contemplation added "Sir."  
  
"Oh, am I?" Snape asked, blushing.  
  
"Oh Dear MERLIN, he's blushing!!" were along the lines of what Harry and Hermione thought eyes widening with horror. Snape seemed to notice this and quickly his face settled into its normal cold, calm mask.  
  
"Run along then, I'll take care of Mr.Weasley, and 10 points form Gryffindor for loitering." He sneered apparently back to his normal evil self.  
  
Ron chose that exact moment to regain consciousness to find his view blocked by what was under Snape's cloak. He then proceeded to faint again but not before whimpering in fear.  
  
"P-pink...and green...!"  
  
Hermione frowned. "Excuse me sir? Pink and green?"  
  
For the second time in history Snape blushed, before regaining his compose.  
  
"Another 10 points! Now move and I will take care of Mr.Wea-"  
  
"Yes, we heard THAT part." Harry said beginning to feel slightly dizzy, probably from being around Snape for too long and inhaling his noxious body odor.  
  
Snape glared his no.3 glare (i.e. the 'Don't-back-talk-me-for-I-am-the-most- superior-being-in-existance-and-you-are-nothing' glare).  
  
Harry and Hermione began to sweat. Harry was most tempted to say 'nice doggy' but feared he wouldn't be alive much longer after to enjoy Snape's reaction.  
  
'We'll..we'll go now.." Hermione tugged frantically at Harry's robe.  
  
"Hermione! Stop trying to undress me in public!" Harry yelped.  
  
Hermione glowed like the sun and Snape unsuccessfully tried not to snort.  
  
~ ~ ~  
  
14 hours 53 minutes later.  
  
"AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!"  
  
Harry Potter lay sweating in his bed, his scar hurting like crazy. Ron stopped snoring next to him and gave a groan.  
  
"Dude," He said sleepily, pulling back his curtain and glaring at Harry. "This is, like, getting REALLY boring." His eyes then glazed over and he promptly dropped off the deep end. Harry snorted as Ron began to snore again. "Stupid git."  
  
"I heard that." Ron mumbled in his sleep. Harry goggled at Ron but his friend truly was sound asleep.  
  
"OK then." Harry muttered as he turned and pulled his cover over him, rubbing his prickly scar he soon nodded off.  
~ ~ ~  
  
When Harry next woke, it was because of dreaming of Dobby sleeping in his bed with a finger up his nose.  
  
"Gross.!" Harry exclaimed rubbing his eyes. Ron began to stir in his bed but his snoring had not ceased. Harry rolled his eyes - Ron was going to sleepwalk, again.  
  
Harry got up and put on his slippers, preparing to follow Ron.  
  
"C'mon... 'ar-rie... lets go on ... an adventure..." Ron said in his sleep. Harry rolled his eyes.  
  
"Please, not to the girls dormitory. That hurt!" Harry mumbled, following Ron as he walked out the door. AGAIN.  
  
A/N Well that's chapter one! Please make us happy by pushing the lil' button on the bottom left hand corner of the page !! *gives cheesy grin* We'll love you for it!!! 


	2. Midnight Wonderings

Disclaimer: Harry Potter and all the others aren't ours *sniffle* they belong to the wonderful J.K.Rowling. Meaning: We no own. So you no sue. ^.^ got that? Sorry this took so long. my partner here *points at Rowz* conveniently decided to loose our draft copy of writings *sweatdrop* but don't worry!! She found it!! ^.^ Rowz: No kidding..  
  
A Shock to the System  
  
Chapter 2 - Midnight Wonderings  
  
Following Ron through the mazes of corridors of Hogwarts, Harry was astounded by Ron's ability to navigate and dodge the many obstacles.  
  
'Too bad he's not as graceful when he's awake.' Harry smirked inwardly. He watched as Ron expertly skipped over a trick stair, then hopped over an umbrella stand (A/N where the hell did that come from?!), and finally vaulted over a startled Mrs.Norris.. Hang on..  
  
"Holy Sh*t!!"  
  
Harry rushed forward and getting a hold of Ron by the cuff of the neck dragged him through a random doorway hoping the spawn of the devil (i.e. Mrs.Norris) would not alert the even bigger spawn of the devil (i.e. Filch).  
  
Ron dusted himself off and gave a frown in Harry's direction. Not for the first time, Harry found it amazing that Ron could stay asleep. He contemplated on waking Ron up but decided against it.  
  
"Besides," He mumbled as Ron began to walk again. "What's the fun in that?"  
  
Harry started to follow obediently. Ron suddenly stopped and whirling around, grabbed Harry's arm in a death grip.  
  
"Her-my-oh-knee." He mumbled, a dreamy smile floating across his face.  
  
Harry's eyes widened in fright as Ron pulled him into a hug.  
  
"No, Ron, No!!! No! No! No!!! He beat against Ron's chest furiously but Ron wouldn't let go.  
  
'This is NOT good!! NOT RIGHT!!! Argh...!" Harry struggled frantically but only proceeded to evoke a mumbled: "I.. Said. .sorry. ..bout...shower..."  
  
Harry perked. 'What's this? Shower? Ron? Hermione? Hmmmm.. Maybe this isn't so bad after all..' He decided to interrogate Ron further hoping to extract more blackmail material.  
  
"What shower?" Harry squeaked in a high-pitched voice in an attempt to copy Hermione.  
  
"The.... Shower.. My-oh-knee..." Ron said and buried his face in Harry's shoulder. It felt physically VERY uncomfortable but his curiosity overwhelmed his desire to push Ron away.  
  
"I..saw..."  
  
"You saw?" Harry encouraged.  
  
"I ..saw..YOU."  
  
"WHAT?!?!?!"  
  
Ron started laughing hysterically. "Gee, Harry. What's wrong? I see you in the shower all the time!!"  
  
Harry stared dumbfoldedly at Ron. Ron upon noticing that he still held Harry in his arms quickly pushed him away.  
  
"And that's supposed to make me feel better?!" Harry snapped, annoyed that Ron seemed to have woken and had just pulled a fast one on him. "That's SICK!!"  
  
"Its true!" Ron said looking hurt. "Anyway, where the hell are we?"  
  
Harry rolled his eyes. "I don't know but maybe you should go to sleep so you can lead us back."  
  
Ron looked incredulously at Harry.  
  
Suddenly Harry doubled over clutching his head.  
  
"What? What's wrong?" Ron looked frantically around. "Is, is You-Know-Who. You know."  
  
Meanwhile Harry crouched down and mumbled obscene things under his breath.  
  
"Don't swear at me! It's not very nice you know."  
  
Harry groaned, clutching his head.  
  
"-I mean, just because I state the obvious doesn't mean you have to run me down all the time-"  
  
"RON!!" Harry bellowed, making Ron cringe. "Has it occurred to you that I might be in pain?!"  
  
"Oh."  
  
"Are you?"  
  
Harry once again proceeded to mutter obscenities under his breath, although this time "Red headed. imbecile.." Could be clearly heard.  
  
Suddenly, Harry heard someone giggling. Harry ignored Ron's protests for his insults and began to look for the source of the sound.  
  
He saw a shadow in the corner of the room and went towards it to investigate. When Harry got nearer he swore out loud as he recognized whom it was.  
  
"Christ on a bike!!" He swore whipping his wand out (A/N It happened to be in his pocket even though he didn't put it there, very convenient don't you think?). Ron came up beside him and his mouth dropped open.  
  
" You.You-Know-Who???"  
  
"I WOULD kill you, Harry Potter, but I can't. Well not now. Today.. ahem.. tonight must be your lucky night. In fact I'm just as surprised as you are." Vodemort was wringing his hands and looked positively miserable. "Is it OK if I don't try to kill you?" He asked, a pleading look in his eyes. "Not right now that is.. I mean I still do have a reputation to up hold you know...." He quickly added seeing the disbelief in Harry and Ron's faces.  
  
"Somebody pinch me" Ron said shell-shocked. Voldmort slinked over and gave him a pinch on his cheek (A/N you go figure which), at that Harry drew back in horror and Ron promptly fainted.  
  
Voldemort burst into tears.  
  
"I'm not that scary right?? I mean * sniff * I try to come across as * sniff* that but I also want to have friends.. How can I have friends if everyone faints when they see me???"  
  
"You could,ah, try NOT pinching people, ah, there.... And the whole I'm-an- evil-wizard-look-at-me-wrong-and-you'll-die-a-painful-death thing doesn't exactly help.."  
  
"Oh. You think?"  
  
Harry rolled his eyes to the sky and pleaded (silently of course) 'LORD HELP ME!!!!'  
  
"Yes." He said, realizing that this was the longest conversation he had EVER held with Voldemort (Well actually the only conversation he's held with Voldemort. Most other times its either speaking through a third person or Voldemort using imperio and forcing him to talk or ugly shouting matches which don't really count.) and not once had Voldemort even thought about killing him. (Or so Harry thought but who knows what goes on in THAT mind..)  
  
A long silence stretched and the only noise to be heard was Ron's breathing. Harry began to tap his foot and Voldemort, looking decidedly nervous, began to look for any routes to escape by.  
  
*Silence *  
  
"Was that a tumble weed just then?"  
  
*Blink * Blink *  
  
"Uh..."  
  
Another long silence ensued...  
  
"Well, I, uh, better be going." Voldemort said, all the while inching towards the door.  
  
"Ah, yeah.. uh, by the way.. how DID you get in here?" Harry asked suspiciously.  
  
Voldemort blinked and smiled, switching directions he began inching towards the window.  
  
"Well you see.."  
  
"I thought Hogwarts was guarded .. unless... One of the teachers let you in.. Snape!! Of course!!"  
  
Voldemort jumped. " Um. actually."  
  
"Yes!! That's what Ron must have seen in Snape's classroom!! YOU!!!" Harry chewed his lip a look of concentration on his face. "But, hang on.. then why on earth did he react SO violently when I mentioned Snape's underwear? Hmmmm..."  
  
While Harry was busy testing his theories, Voldemort was trying to sneak out the window (A/N So what if it's the 4th floor?). At the mention of Snape's underwear however, he tripped and fell head first out of his escape route.  
  
Harry started when he heard a loud SPLAT and upon looking around and not seeing Voldemort, ran to the window and looked down.  
  
"OUCH.. that has got to hurt... He's not dead is he? I mean killed by Snape's underwear! How embarrassing!! Not really a fitting death for someone so.." Harry trailed off as Voldemort pushed himself (painfully slowly) off the ground and with a loud CRACK apparated.  
  
"But..but.. You can't apparate on the grounds of Hogwarts!! It says so in Hogwarts a History!!" Harry exclaimed and shuddered inwardly at how much he sounded like Hermione. "Unless.. someone messed with the wards.. but the only one who can do that... is...."  
  
"Dumbledore.." Ron muttered in his unconscious state.  
  
"Please don't tell me you're having an erotic dream about our Headmaster." Harry muttered.  
  
"Mmmmmm.." murmured Ron in his sleep. "Tasty..."  
  
Harry's eyes widened and he stepped back in fear, he immediately promised himself that no matter how much money he had to spend he WOULD seek help for his disturbed friend. Then as Ron began to snore safely once more, he picked up Ron's left leg and proceeded to drag his friend back to the Gryffindor common room.  
  
A/N Yeah !! 2nd Chapter is done!! * prances around room * whew! Anyway it's a bit longer than the first chapter, hope you're satisfied. Please Read and Review! * Big puppy dog eyes * we'll love you for it ^.^ 


	3. Bathroom Crises

Disclaimer: Harry Potter and all the others aren't ours *sniffle* they belong to the wonderful J.K.Rowling. Meaning: We no own. So you no sue. ^.^ got that?  
  
A Shock to the System  
  
Chapter 3 - Bathroom Crises  
  
The next morning Harry and Ron filled Hermione in on their adventures the previous night.  
  
"You-Know-Who??" Hermione exclaimed, amazed that Harry and Ron had appeared unscathed.  
  
"Yeah.. he was acting really strange. I mean, he didn't try to kill me or anything." Harry said puzzled.  
  
"Strange? Now there's an understand if I ever hear one." Ron snorted.  
  
Harry then proceeded to tell Hermione about the Snape theory and how he must have let Voldemort into the school.  
  
At the mention of Snape Ron paled and remained silent the rest of the conversation.  
  
~ ~ ~  
  
Storm clouds drifted in the mid-afternoon and it wasn't long until it started pouring. Harry, Hermione and Ron hurried back from Hagrid's hut cloaks held above their heads in a vain effort to keep off the rain, Ron had suggested they use one of Hermione's books but received a glare that would have done a basilisk proud.  
  
"When it rains, it pours." Muttered Harry as they splashed their way back to the castle.  
  
"Actually," Hermione said, water dripping from her nose in big droplets. "This rain is Hippogriff spit, they're up in the big clouds above our heads."  
  
Both Harry and Ron looked up in disbelief.  
  
"My God! She's right!!" Ron exclaimed as he sighted dark shadows flitting above. Harry, however was not so easily convinced, sneaking a glance at Hermione from the corner of his eye he saw that she was busy trying to keep a straight face while watching them with obvious amusement in her eyes.  
  
"C'mon Ron," Said Harry pulling his sadly gullible friend along. "Before  
they decide to do more than just spit on us." Hearing that Ron practically charged into the building, Harry and Hermione traded amused looks and followed suit.  
  
~ ~ ~  
  
Dinner in the great hall was not an exciting event, although Hermione did snap at Ron several times for trying to talk with his mouth full.  
  
"Geez..she's worse than my mother!" Whined Ron pitifully after receiving yet another kick from Hermione under the table.  
  
Harry quickly shoved another spoon full of mashed potatoes in his mouth all the while chewing earnestly effectively hiding his smirk.  
  
A rustle of wings announced the posts and a stream of owls soared through the windows. (A/N Ok, so the owls got confused, a little something called daylight saving perhaps? *laughs weakly *) A furry fluff fell (A/N Hey alliteration!) like a shooting star straight into the Gryffindor's bowl of pumpkin juice causing an orange shower.  
  
"Pig you idiot!!" Ron growled trying to latch on to his overly excited owl that was twittering and spraying juice everywhere. "Stop..Stop.. that...RIGHT..NOW!!!" with that Ron leaped up and managed to grab a hold of the little hooting fuzz ball, but Ron being himself lost his balance and fell into the pumpkin juice bowl splashing the remaining juice all over the table.  
  
The Slytherin table erupted in gleeful laughter. Among the Slytherin heads, Draco Malfoy's stood out more than anything (A/N Big headed *gwuffles * heh heh ...). Hermione glared in the blonde's direction, felling the familiar feeling of anger rising up within her. Following Hermione's venomous glare, Ron looked at Draco, a flush rising on his face.  
  
"Ignore Malfoy, he's just a stupid git." Harry said also shooting a glare at Draco's direction.  
  
But that was easier said than done as it was apparent that someone had spiked the Slytherin's drinks as they suddenly burst into a noisy round of random singing that was half made up as they went along, that and every Slytherin now sported flashing green and neon pink hair.  
  
"Brilliant ain't it?!" Grinned Fred and George Weasley as they dropped off to sit at either side of their brother.  
  
"You??" Ron's eyes bugged, choking back a laugh.  
  
"Who'd have guessed?!" Hermione rolled her eyes skyward.  
  
"I wonder if anyone will get expelled?" Ron asked hopefully, glancing at his most favourite Slytherin (A/N Being sarcastic of course). "You know, for the worst singing in Hogwarts history and killing everyone with their out-of-tune voices." Ron winced as someone attempted a high C.  
  
Hermione drew herself up indignantly.  
  
"I'm afraid not, this is no fault of theirs unfortunately," she said shooting daggers at two carbon copies of grinning red heads. "and as a prefect I have every right to put the REAL trouble makers in detention!"  
  
"Oh c'mon Hermione. You wouldn't do that to poor old Fred and George would you?" The twins said in sync batting their lashes.  
  
Hermione laughed. "No, probably not."  
  
~ ~ ~  
  
"Ah.. the luxury of being a prefect." Hermione sighed happily as she sank into a foamy bath in the prefects bathroom.  
  
She had firmly declined Ron's offer to join her and relished in the thought of being alone (i.e. No Ron or Harry) for a while.  
  
She was just scrubbing her arms when the door burst open and none other the Draco Malfoy stalked in wearing nothing but a towel. For a second, Draco stared at Hermione, blinking furiously. He then turned on his heel and strode out, closing the door behind him.  
  
Hermione sat shocked, then slowly sunk down further into the bath. Squeezing her eyes shut.  
  
"Oh Dear MERLIN. That did not just happen." She said out loud.  
  
'Yes it did.' She thought miserably after a good minute and holding her breath she sank beneath the water. Therefore she missed the sound of the door opening a second time and the relieved sigh and the muttered "Oh good, I was just hallucinating. Knew I shouldn't have eaten anything Parkinson gave me" that followed.  
  
Draco Malfoy removed his towel and dove into the pool-sized bath, swimming a few laps before settling down on a side bench.  
  
He was waving his hands around under water watching the patterns his arms made in the foam when his left hand connected with something soft and not at all bath-tub-side like.  
  
* Silence *  
  
Hermione gingerly surfaced, the two just blinked owlishly at each other.  
  
"AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
"AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
Both then proceeded to scramble to opposite sides of the bath.  
  
"What the HELL are YOU doing in here?!" Hermione screamed her chest heaving like a uni student on $1 a beer night.  
  
"What the HELL were you LOOKING AT down there?!"  
  
"The backs of my eyelids, besides I doubt there'd be much to look at." Hermione huffed crossing her arms over her chest.  
  
"That's SICK!!" Draco yelled looking very offended.  
  
"YOU'RE SICK!!" Hermione screamed right back.  
  
"YOU'RE SICK!!"  
  
"YOU'RE SICK!!"  
  
"No, YOU'RE SICK!!"  
  
"I always knew you were creepy, Draco Malfoy, but I didn't think you were a PERVERT on top of that!!"  
  
"I wasn't the one UNDER the water!!"  
  
"What? And you think I TOUCHED myself?!"  
  
An uncomfortable silence settled on the bathroom.  
  
"That.. didn't.. come out right.." Hermione blushed.  
  
"No. It didn't"  
  
"Wow... Us two agreeing on something... That's.."  
  
"Miraculous?"  
  
* Silence * "Get OUT!" Hermione suddenly spat.  
  
"What, so you can perve on me some more?!" Draco shouted sinking lower into the water.  
  
"Eww, NO!" Hermione genuinely cringed and had to look away.  
  
"Why don't you get out?" Draco suggested.  
  
Hermione's head shot up. "What, so You can perve on ME??!!"  
  
"Well.. then there's only one way to solve this." Draco said looking at Hermione seriously.  
  
"What?" Hermione snapped, beginning to feel extremely uncomfortable.  
  
"Well, its simple really. We'll just hex each other until one person drops off, then the non-hexed person gets out and gets changed. No big deal."  
  
"Oh, and do you have your wand handy? I mean it's not exactly like I have it stuck up my ass ready to use in a dire situation such as this."  
  
"Really? You sure act like it."  
  
Hermione glared and wrapped her arms around herself, felling vulnerable.  
  
Then, the bathroom door burst open and Ron came walking in, Harry in tow.  
  
The two stopped and glanced at the bath.  
  
"I KNEW there was a reason that you didn't want me to join you!!" Ron bellowed.  
  
Harry just laughed and laughed and laughed.  
  
"OK, jokes over guys." He said, wiping the tears from his eyes. "You can get out now."  
  
Silence ensued.  
  
"HOLY ****" Harry's eyes bulged. "You're not telling me you're..you're REALLY not wearing anything down there!!!"  
  
Hermione and Draco flushed a red yet unknown to man.  
  
"Geez, Malfoy, I knew you were a slimy git but I didn't know you'd sink this low!!" Harry exclaimed.  
  
"Why do you immediately jump to the conclusion that I'M the offender??" Draco protested. "SHE" pointing at Hermione across from him, "is the one who SANK!"  
  
Hermione catching the hidden meaning growled and gave him a one-fingered salute.  
  
Harry, Ron, Draco stared, astonished at her.  
  
"HERMIONE!!"  
  
"What?" She snapped, her skin still flushed but now for a different reason. "If I were fully clothed I would seriously hurt you Malfoy!" She growled.  
  
"That's because you can't resist my manly charms." Draco said, lifting an eyebrow suggestively.  
  
"What?" Hermione asked, completely thrown off.  
  
Draco smiled and moved closer a strange look on his face.  
  
"Why don't you two take a hike?" Draco said with a pointed look at Harry and Ron. "The Lady and I would like to talk.. alone.."  
  
Harry and Ron stared.  
  
Hermione looked worried.  
  
"NO!!" She began. "Don't leave-ugh!"  
  
Draco pushed Hermione under the water, careful to keep his body as far away as possible.  
  
Hermione burst out screaming her head off, "MOLESTERER!!!!!!" and streaked through the bbathroom to lock herself in the changing room.  
  
* Thud *  
  
Ron fainted. (A/N He seems to be doing that a lot lately doesn't he?)  
  
*Blink * Blink *  
  
Harry stared blankly at the place where Hermione previously occupied.  
  
"Ahh.." Draco sighed contently stretching out. "Finally! Got this place all to myself."  
  
Harry looked scared at the look on Draco's face.  
  
"You look scary." He said before exiting the bathroom, not bothering to remove Ron.  
  
A/N Yes!! Longest Chapter yet.. * rubs sore hands * You people better be grateful. Please read and review *sad puppy dog eyes * don't make all our efforts go to waste! 


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